And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
His nipple licking is glorious
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