I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
