Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
