We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think my vagina is haunted
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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