You smell like stripper and shame
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
