How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
