Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
