I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
