This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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