In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
