I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
