Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
