I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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