were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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