I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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