Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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