Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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