dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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