Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
