Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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