Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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