I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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