I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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