I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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