I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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