Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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