I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
