By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
