me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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