just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
