That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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