it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
