Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
