Define "chronic" masturbator.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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