they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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