what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
