I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
