just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
