i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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