Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
