You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
