apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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