can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
