I haven't been this sober since birth.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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