dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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