she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
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Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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