Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
