how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
