What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
