he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
