Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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