does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
