He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
