it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
