she told me i tasted like america
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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