yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
