i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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