I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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