somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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