That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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