Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
