I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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