I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
