Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How does it feel to date your dad?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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