what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
