Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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