why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
