so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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