He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
