I'm drive I can fine osifer
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
