I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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