how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
