My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
