all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
