Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
