i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
