I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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