Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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